Separating informally
Running into relationship difficulties can be an incredibly confusing time and for many couples it can be beneficial to consider a trial separation in the first instance - this informal agreement allows both parties to take 'time out' from the relationship and consider the next step. An informal separation may be that next step but much will depend on how civil the relationship between you is - you will need to come to your own agreements on a variety of issues, so being able to discuss these with each other in civil manner is vital.The kind of things you'll need to agree on include your children, money, housing and other property or assets.
The courts do not get involved with an informal separation so not only does this option save you significant legal costs, but you will hopefully avoid the emotional strain that is often placed on couples ending their marriage in the courts.
However, it's important to understand that an informal separation does not have the weight of the law behind it, so if one of you decides they are not happy with some aspect of the separation, you cannot enforce it without deferring to the courts. Also, if you decide make your separation legal, the courts can change any arrangement they think is unreasonable or detrimental to your children.
Separating formally - 'legal separation'
Legal separation means that a written agreement is drawn up between you and your partner. A separation agreement can cover anything thats relevant when you end your relationship and can include:
maintenance for you/your partner or any children involved
how you will split money, property and possessions now youre not living together anymore
who your children should live with and have contact with
any other conditions you want to agree, like not annoying or disturbing your former partner
Who is going to be responsible for the mortgage, maintenance and upkeep of the property until it is sold.
What you will each get when the property is sold in the future.
Should either of you pass before the property is sold then what is to happen to your share of the property
Many separating couples feel more secure knowing they have agreements in writing, as this can help you avoid having to go to court to settle things, both now and into the future. Make sure your agreement is drawn up by a solicitor so it is legally watertight. It's hugely helpful if you and your ex can agree certain things in principal beforehand as this will hopefully reduce conflict, make the process quicker and keep legal costs down. If certain areas are proving tricky to resolve a mediator might be helpful - read our page on mediation to find out more.
Keep copies of all paperwork relating to your separation. The final agreement is a contract, including terms both you and your partner must stick to - if not, you can be taken to court for breach of contract. It is possible to change terms of the agreement, but only if your partner agrees with what you're proposing. If not you must consult the courts.
How to get a legal separation if you are married or in a civil partnership (England and Wales)
You can find more details at the Government website here, in summary:
1. You will need to submit a separation petition using a D8 form, you can find one here. You'll require three copies - two for the courts and one for you. These forms will be sent to your nearest divorce court. If you're married you apply for a 'judicial separation'; if you are in a civil partnership, you apply for a 'separation order'. The fee for submitting this information is currently £365 (as of November 2013).
2. If you can agree on issues relating to money and property a legal document called a 'consent order' is drawn up - this outlines who gets what. If you can agree you need to apply for a 'financial order', which is a formal agreement made in court.
3. Inform relevant parties - it's important to let the following offices, companies and services know about your separation:
- housing benefit
- council tax office
- Tax credits/child benefit
- bank/mortgage lender
- utilities suppliers
- school
- credit companies
- insurance companies
- doctor, dentist, health visitor, etc.
- post office (if you want to redirect your mail)
Find out more
Citizens Advice Bureau - advice on separation, including details of financial arrangements and housing rights.
DirectGov - comprehensive information on legal separation, including help finding a legal advisor and info about Legal Aid.
Support for you
The Money Advice Service - help negotiating your finances when faced with separation.
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