Separation counselling can follow the decision by one or both partners to end a relationship. It differs from relationship counselling where the partners seek to improve their relationship and find a way forward together.
What is separation counselling?
Separation counselling offers a chance to:
- consider the practical aspects of separation
- consider the impact on other family members
- resolve and have closure with each other
- establish ways to make decisions about the future.
Divorce or separation counselling offers a chance to examine the relationship with less pressure to fix it. This more distant perspective can offer insight into the feelings of despair and unhappiness. At this stage one or both partners might hope for reconciliation. It might also offer a chance to uncover some of the underlying causes.
If a partner is hesitant about their decision to divorce it is an opportunity to unpack some of the problems in a structured and informed way. What do the hesitations mean? In this realistic phase, honesty and openness can often replace blame and anger. When did things turn in their history? What allowed things to become so broken? What earlier patterns of coping with life were re-enacted in this relationship and to what effect? What was the history of relationship, when did things turn? What allowed things to become so broken.
When one partner has decided to leave and the other does not, the work has a Split Agenda which requires an experienced and patient couples counsellor. If the decision is made to separate then practical decisions might need to be thought through and channels of communication set up for future contact with children, family and property.
The couple needs closure on their lives together and an ending to allow them to assimilate what was good and what was less helpful. This chance to minimise hurt and bitterness can allow a less bitter future
Separation counselling allows the mourning for the loss of what had once held so much promise. Understanding the loss cycle in relation to the union is a valuable way to allow individuals to move on with their lives rather than rolling over the same issues onto new relationships.
The main stages of separation are:
- Rupture - the first year when shock and disbelief give way to anger
- Restlessness - 1 3 years new relationships, moving house or job, searching
- Settling - 3 years + a new identity is established
How can counselling help with separation?
- Minimise harmful effects on children and partners.
- Make sense of what has happened.
- Allow for change and moving forward.
- Help offer perspective and closure.
When do couples decide to divorce?
Divorce and separation are public admissions that a relationship no longer works and that the ideals and hopes the couple once had have failed. Often this is just too painful to think of, but the practicalities dictate they must. Despair and loss of love visit most relationships but often a threat to divorce is a bid to leave the despair and disappointment behind.
If a couple cannot respect each other and loathing is their only link, they ought to consider a permanent separation. Or if there is abuse, violence or repeated betrayal then separation should be considered. For many couples however there is just an unbearable sense of failure and disappointment, and this can be explored.
If a couple is angry at each other, this needs to be examined further. Anger is the emotion of not having our needs met. What is it that each feels deprived of, and why is it not available? What was it like when it was good? What has changed?
In the sombre light of the breakdown of a relationship, the realities can be explored and often further understanding can be reached. This can reduce bitterness and allow a way forward together or individually.
Divorce causes
Often a couple decides to separate after an affair, because of arguments or sexual problems. Separation counselling can make some sense of what seems like a catastrophe. Life changes like redundancy, children leaving home, a bereavement and retirement can all push relationships to the brink.
The affair, betrayal, arguments are usually symptoms of deeper problems which have been in the relationship for some time. These might relate to communication problems or issues of trust which are unresolved.
It can be an opportunity to explore the deeper problem which has surfaced, unnoticed and has felt to be impossible to deal with.
This is the rewarding work of separation work which can be useful to both partners. Once the real problem is understood then an informed decision can be made rather than reworked in the next relationship. At this point many couples choose to consider whether there is a way forward for them.
Individual separation work and bereavement work
Sometimes the decision to divorce or separate is not a joint one, and a partner is left behind while the other embarks on a new relationship. In this case the overwhelming feelings of abandonment and loss can feel quite crippling and the support of a counsellor can be invaluable.
Understanding the history of the break-down, addressing guilt and loss and low-self-esteem can be useful in the journey of moving on to picking up the pieces of life and thinking of the future.
When is the right time to undertake separation & divorce counselling?
- when a couple feel they cannot continue living together
- when life changes leave one partner feeling excluded
- when communication has broken down
- when despair and bitterness are overwhelming
- after an affair.
Often this type of counselling is undertaken in response to a crisis, either a letter from the partners solicitor or the discovery of an affair or the escalation of an argument. Some time might be needed for the dust to settle to allow the capacity to think about what has happened rather than trying to make sense while one partner is still in shock.
Separation counselling with an experienced and trained couples counsellor can reduce the pressure and stress for both partners. It can be rewarding work as the pressures to repair and patch are removed, allowing an honest and open look at the deterioration of a relationship.
Feel confident to ask your counsellor about their experience in working with separating couples. A specific couple training is preferred alongside membership of a specific couples counselling organisation. Some of the traditional couples counselling agengies operate within a religious framework, check out what the orientation is and that it fits with your own beliefs and needs.
What should I be looking for in a counsellor or psychotherapist?
Whilst there are no official rules and regulations in position which stipulate what level of training and experience a couples counsellor, marriage guidance counsellor or relationship counsellor needs, we do recommend that you check your therapist is experienced in the area for which you are seeking help.
A Diploma level qualification (or equivalent) in relationship counselling or a related topic will provide assurance and peace of mind that your counsellor has developed the necessary skills.
Another way to assure they have undergone specialist training is to check if they belong to a relevant professional organisation that represents couples counsellors.
Télécharger OR http://bit.ly/ExaM1
relationships - Family issues - Pre-nuptial counselling - Separation and divorce Schizophrenia Self harm Sex problems Counselling Directory Copyright
Contact Counselling Directory - Counselling Directory
Counselling Directory is a comprehensive - Family issues - Pre-nuptial counselling - Separation and divorce Schizophrenia Self harm Sex problems
Divorce Resources - The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
About the FMC Directory, Groups of people dedicated to helping each other go through separation and divorce. The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Children and Divorce: Helping Kids Cope with Separation ...
Use this directory to Helping Kids Cope with Separation and Divorce In For children and adolescents affected by separation or divorce. Children of Divorce
Separation counseling - Talk About Marriage
Talk About Divorce and Separation Talk About Marriage > Counseling and Professional Help > Experiences in Counseling > Separation counseling User Tag List:
trial seperation and counseling. - Talk About Marriage
I am willing to go thru with the seperation and counseling, as Considering Divorce or Separation If Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Counselling Directory - Find A Counsellor In London
Counselling Directory "counselling directory" and "counseling directory" and Couple counselling Directory; Relationship Counselling; Divorce Survival Experts
Family Counseling After A Separation
One of the hardest things a family can experience is separation and divorce. Separation is a difficult Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Free
Fullerton Marriage Counseling Reviews Top Rated Marriage ...
(CA), Psychologist, Marriage Counseling, Therapy, Counselors separation, divorce, family and Family and Marriage Counseling directory listing
Nashua Marriage Counseling Reviews Top Rated Marriage ...
Nashua Marriage Counselling Centers Ratings and Reviews. This comprehensive directory of Nashua marriage counseling centers therapy, divorce and separation,
Télécharger OR http://bit.ly/ExaM1